Wednesday, July 16, 2008

We're probably all going to be spending a lot of time waiting in line this weekend

and the horrible realization of just how much of my life will be slipping away waiting to see a movie I already have tickets for... twice... got me thinking about the etiquette of cutting in line, especially in the instance that you have a group of friends way up ahead in the line and you want to get a piece of that sweet action.

No, wait. I don't want to talk about the etiquette of cutting in line. That's far too pedestrian. No, my friends, I'm here to bring you the philosophy of cutting in line.

(Putting it in bold makes it authoritative).

And so it is that I, a humble undergraduate of the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign with a double-major in philosophy and English, would like to propose this, the Law of Line- Cutting (see?). I believe this law to be complete, meaning that there are no circumstances that it does not cover; however, if time proves this wrong, I shall come back and append the law as needs dictate.

Here is the law:

One may only cut in a line if one has associates already planted at some place in the line, and these associates welcome the cutting. The number of total allowable cutters per group of friends may not exceed the number of friends who originally staked that position in line, and this number does not change based on newcomers--it is always determined by the original number in the group. For instance, if three friends get to a movie early and wait in line, then no more than three of their friends can ever join them at that point in the line.

Think of it like a restaurant refusing to seat a group until a certain portion of the entire party is present, and then it will make sense (except instead of refusing we're allowing, see?). I think this rule works because it prevents total dickery (one guy waiting in line will not end up letting in 20) but also allows for those tricky and frustrating circumstances that pop up in day-to-day life like car trouble, a late start, or not wanting to wait for hours on end to see a movie I already have tickets for.

Obviously as this is a new law, many will be ignorant of it, and thus may deny its application. Certain people (the "cool") will, upon hearing the law explained, be totally alright with it, and maybe spread the gospel of the cutting law to their friends and loved ones. Other people (the "lame") will rigidly insists that no one cuts, ever, and to them I say "chill out, broseph." Thus spake Ericthustra.


Anonymous said...

Sorry brosif... cutting is dickery through and through... minus a SINGLE ACCEPTABLE CAVEAT. Those who park the car are allowed to rejoin their group.. albeit the respectable thing to do is to wait until the whole party arrives to cue up. Why allow your friends the benefit of line cutting and devalue those in line behind you who now must wait even longer to get to their desired location because you and your group of gigglepusses allowed cutsies. Sorry... no dice. No cuts, no buts, no sireebob.

ITguy said...

"But at least you can fall back on your degrees in...*gasp* Philosophy and English?"

"I know! Is phony majors! Garneau learn nothing...nothing!"

Eric Garneau said...

Why do you think I keep this blog, Mark? I have to feel useful SOMEHOW. Reaching three people every few days is the only way I know how!